Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Sunday Night Burns

Sunday, February 14th, 2010

Address Of Beelzebub

By Robert Burns

Also known as Rabbie Burns, Scotland's favourite son, the Ploughman Poet, etc., etc.

To the Right Honourable the Earl of Breadalbane, President of the Right
Honourable and Honourable the Highland Society, which met on the 23rd of May last at the Shakespeare, Covent Garden, to concert ways and means to frustrate the designs of five hundred Highlanders, who, as the Society were informed by Mr. M’Kenzie of Applecross, were so audacious as to attempt an escape from their lawful lords and masters whose property they were, by emigrating from the lands of Mr. Macdonald of Glengary to the wilds of Canada, in search of that fantastic thing-Liberty.

Long life, my Lord, an’ health be yours,
Unskaithed by hunger’d Highland boors;
Lord grant me nae duddie, desperate beggar,
Wi’ dirk, claymore, and rusty trigger,
May twin auld Scotland o’ a life
She likes-as butchers like a knife.

Faith you and Applecross were right
To keep the Highland hounds in sight:
I doubt na! they wad bid nae better,
Than let them ance out owre the water,
Then up among thae lakes and seas,
They’ll mak what rules and laws they please:
Some daring Hancocke, or a Franklin,
May set their Highland bluid a-ranklin;
Some Washington again may head them,
Or some Montgomery, fearless, lead them,
Till God knows what may be effected
When by such heads and hearts directed,
Poor dunghill sons of dirt and mire
May to Patrician rights aspire!
Nae sage North now, nor sager Sackville,
To watch and premier o’er the pack vile, -
An’ whare will ye get Howes and Clintons
To bring them to a right repentance-
To cowe the rebel generation,
An’ save the honour o’ the nation?
They, an’ be d-d! what right hae they
To meat, or sleep, or light o’ day?
Far less-to riches, pow’r, or freedom,
But what your lordship likes to gie them?

But hear, my lord! Glengarry, hear!
Your hand’s owre light to them, I fear;
Your factors, grieves, trustees, and bailies,
I canna say but they do gaylies;
They lay aside a’ tender mercies,
An’ tirl the hallions to the birses;
Yet while they’re only poind’t and herriet,
They’ll keep their stubborn Highland spirit:
But smash them! crash them a’ to spails,
An’ rot the dyvors i’ the jails!
The young dogs, swinge them to the labour;
Let wark an’ hunger mak them sober!
The hizzies, if they’re aughtlins fawsont,
Let them in Drury-lane be lesson’d!
An’ if the wives an’ dirty brats
Come thiggin at your doors an’ yetts,
Flaffin wi’ duds, an’ grey wi’ beas’,
Frightin away your ducks an’ geese;
Get out a horsewhip or a jowler,
The langest thong, the fiercest growler,
An’ gar the tatter’d gypsies pack
Wi’ a’ their bastards on their back!
Go on, my Lord! I lang to meet you,
An’ in my house at hame to greet you;
Wi’ common lords ye shanna mingle,
The benmost neuk beside the ingle,
At my right han’ assigned your seat,
‘Tween Herod’s hip an’ Polycrate:
Or if you on your station tarrow,
Between Almagro and Pizarro,
A seat, I’m sure ye’re well deservin’t;
An’ till ye come-your humble servant,

Beelzebub.
June 1st, Anno Mundi, 5790.

Gee, y’think?

Friday, February 12th, 2010

Two studies, brought to our attention by  the American Bar Association confirm our suspicions:

Race & Gender of Judges Make Enormous Differences in Rulings, Studies Find
By Edward A. Adams
Feb 6, 2010, 06:20 pm CST

A judge’s race or gender makes for a dramatic difference in the outcome of cases they hear—at least for cases in which race and gender allegedly play a role in the conduct of the parties, according to two recent studies.

The results were the focus of a program about “Diversity on the Bench: Is the ‘Wise Latina’ a Myth?,” sponsored by the ABA Judicial Division at the ABA Midyear Meeting in Orlando on Saturday afternoon.

In federal racial harassment cases, one study (PDF) found that plaintiffs lost just 54 percent of the time when the judge handling the case was an African-American. Yet plaintiffs lost 81 percent of the time when the judge was Hispanic, 79 percent when the judge was white, and 67 percent of the time when the judge was Asian American.

A second study (PDF), looked at 556 federal appellate cases involving allegations of sexual harassment or sex discrimination in violation of Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964. The finding: plaintiffs were at least twice as likely to win if a female judge was on the appellate panel.

But not to worry:

University of Pittsburgh School of Law Professor Pat K. Chew, who co-authored the racial harassment study, said she found “the rule of law is intact” in the cases she reviewed.

Legislative Update

Friday, February 12th, 2010

From the assembled Solons inTopeka, more evidence of what’s important to the 2010 Legislature:

Senate approves ban on lighters

By The Associated Press

Created February 12, 2010 at 7:01am

Updated February 12, 2010 at 7:11am

LAWRENCE – The Kansas Senate has approved a bill that would ban novelty cigarette lighters. Those who supported the ban say the lighters are dangerous to children because they look like cartoon characters, toys, or regular household items.

The bill was approved 32-8 without debate Thursday. It now goes to the House for consideration.

State Sen. Oletha Faust-Goudeau, a Wichita Democrat, authored the bill. State Health Officer Jason Eberhart-Phillips also testified in favor of the bill.

A city ordinance banning novelty lighters went into effect in 2007 in El Cajon, California, where the local fire department discerned a connection between juvenile firesetting (“the fastest growing fire threat in the United States”) and novelty lighters, which have features attractive to children,  ”including visual effects, flashing lights, musical sounds, and toy-like designs.”  Similar bans are in said to be place in Maine and Tennessee.  An in-depth explanation of why we need more state regulation of novelty lighters lives here, at the U.S. Fire Administration web site.

We’re relieved that the Legislature is paying attention to the important issues, and is no longer wasting time on things like the budget.

Geez.

The beast, devouring its own children

Friday, February 12th, 2010

The Miami County Republic reminds us that firefighting is a dangerous business, and not always from where you might expect.  Our thoughts and prayers are with Chief Giles’ family.

Linn Valley Fire Chief killed in work accident
Breaking News – Breaking News
Written by Staff
Thursday, 11 February 2010 08:38
Linn Valley Lakes Fire Chief Stanley Giles was killed Wednesday in a work accident at the Linn Valley Fire Department.

According to John Burnett, Linn Valley Police Chief, 69-year-old Giles was trapped between a fire truck and a parked car around 2:45 p.m.

Brian Hall, 47, was backing the fire truck into the bay after returning from a structure fire when Giles became trapped. He was found dead at the scene.

Look for further details in the Feb. 17 issue of the Osawatomie Graphic.

We hope it isn’t all that graphic.

Annals of Matrimony

Thursday, February 11th, 2010

We don’t mind saying that we like marriage.  We think it is generally a good idea and it would be a Good Thing if more people were married.  Not that it’s always easy.  For example, if you want to get married in Kansas, you have two options.  The first is to go to the local courthouse, pay $69.00 to the Clerk of the District Court and then continue with the wedding plans.  We’ll get to the other one in a minute, because the Legislature is in session and State Representative Joe Patton (R-54th) wants to do some tinkering.

Mr. Patton seems like an all right guy to us, despite being a politician.  In non-technical terms, what  he wants to do is to allow people with no money to file a poverty affidavit with the clerk and get married without paying the $69.00.  The bill, House Bill 2585, lives here in.pdf form.

According to the Lawrence Journal-World:

Rep. Joe Patton, R-Topeka, said he proposed the measure to help people get married because studies show that marriage has a lot of positive outcomes, such as improved well-being of children and adults and greater earningsJoe Patton wants to encourage marriage. for family members.

“However, many couples don’t marry because they can’t afford to pay the marriage license fee,” Patton said.

“Eliminating the financial burden to marry for those with limited incomes in our state would have a positive impact on the number of marriages in our state which would lead to stronger families and society,” he said.

Naturally, not everybody thinks this is a good idea.  In Kansas, most proposed legislation has a “Fiscal Note” attached to it, describing the best guess of the Director of the Budget as to how much money the State would gain or lose, and how, if the legislation were to be passed.  In this case, the Director is not optimistic:

The Office of Judicial Administration states that HB 2585, as written, could require more of the judge’s time for proper review and approval of the poverty affidavit. In addition, the funds that currently receive a portion of marriage license fees would be adversely affected. These funds include, the Protection from Abuse Fund, the Children and Family Investment Fund, the Crime Victims Assistance Fund, the Judicial Branch Nonjudicial Salary Adjustment Fund, and the State General Fund. A statement of the precise fiscal effect cannot be determined.

A .pdf version of the note lives here.  Our calculations show that the $69.00 is broken down like this:

We just don’t like the sound of the Judicial Branch Nonjudicial Salary Adjustment Fund, and it’s an open question as to how much abuse is actually prevented by the Prevention from Abuse Fund.  To us, they both sound like innovative methods for siphoning money off of the hoi polloi and onto the ever-growing class of public employees and non-profit agencies.

Likewise, the Emporia Gazette has weighed in against changing the law.  Executive Editrix Gwendolyn Larson writes in today’s edition:

A proposal by a Topeka lawmaker to waive marriage license fees strikes us as a waste of time during a legislative session in which the state’s budget should be the top priority.


We are not opposed to marriage, but we believe a new law is unnecessary.

First, we find it difficult to believe that couples who want to marry cannot find the $69 to pay for the license. If they are not living together already, there will be more than enough cost savings in consolidating rent or mortgage payments as well as utilities and other household expenses to find an extra $70.

Second, the marriage license fee — like other fees paid through the state’s district courts — helps pay for the court system. At a time when state budget cuts are forcing the judicial branch to consider mandatory staff furloughs — ordering workers to stay home without pay — it makes no sense to take away a source of revenue.

The whole thing lives here.

We’ve been a little skittish about poverty affidavits ever since we got fired for suggesting to a client that filing a poverty affidavit was how she would tell the court that she had no money.  We do think Ms. Larson is wrong about taking away a source of revenue not making any sense, since most of the money the state takes in now is squandered, frittered away, lost or used for corrupt purposes.

Unfortunately, we have to agree with her when she says that the law isn’t necessary.  Which brings us to the second way you can get married in Kansas.

If you don’t want to pay the $69.00 for a marriage license, then don’t pay it.  Kansas is one of several states that recognize common law marriage.  As the ever-helpful Kansas Bar Association explains,

Common Law Marriages
A common law marriage is a marriage by agreement of the two persons without any formal ceremony or license. A common law marriage will be recognized in Kansas if the couple considers themselves to be married and publicly holds themselves out to be married and if they are legally eligible to marry. No minimum period of cohabitation is required.

Common Law marriages are subject to the same legal obligations and privileges that apply to marriages with licenses. Once a common law marriage is established, the couple must get a court ordered divorce to terminate the marriage.

The Bar Association has more interesting stuff about married life here.

So, if you and your sweetie are legally allowed to get married (meaning you’re not underage, or long-lost siblings, or one of you is in a persistent vegetative state or something creepy like that) and you actually intend to get married (meaning you really mean that you want to be married), and you go around telling people  that you’re married (which you can do by having a wedding and a reception), in Kansas, you’re married.  And you’ve saved $69.00 which you can put toward the deposit on your water bill.  Or something.

The one drawback, proving the existence of the marriage gets a little tricky without a formal license.  This is where you would use a document called an “Affidavit of Common-Law Marriage”.  Most often, these are used by one spouse to get health insurance or employee benefits for the other spouse without paying the $69.00 to the Clerk of the District Court.  A .pdf example of the form (from the Kansas State University web site) lives here.

What Mr. Patton has overlooked is that the law currently allows any two competent adults to a) make an honest man and/or woman of their partner and b) stiff the likes of the Judicial Branch Nonjudicial Salary Adjustment Fund.  This sounds like a desirable outcome to us.

“Wenn ich Kultur höre …

Thursday, February 11th, 2010

entsichere ich meinen Browning!”

Sonnets from the Portuguese I

Elizabeth Barrett Browning (March 6, 1806 – June 29, 1861)

By Elizabeth Barrett Browning

I thought once how Theocritus had sung
Of the sweet years, the dear and wished-for years,
Who each one in a gracious hand appears
To bear a gift for mortals, old or young:
And, as I mused it in his antique tongue,
I saw, in gradual vision through my tears,
The sweet, sad years, the melancholy years,
Those of my own life, who by turns had flung
A shadow across me. Straightway I was ‘ware,
So weeping, how a mystic Shape did move
Behind me, and drew me backward by the hair;
And a voice said in mastery, while I strove, -
“Guess now who holds thee!” -
“Death,” I said,
But, there,
The silver answer rang, “Not death, but Love.”

Annals of the Second Amendment

Wednesday, February 10th, 2010

From the Associated Press, via the Salina Journal we learn of the semi-fortunate Mr. James Ware, who was shot seven times by police in Wichita, Kansas, during a bar fight:

Jury: Man shot by Wichita police not a criminal

WICHITA, Kan. (AP) — A Sedgwick County jury has found that a man was not committing a crime when he was shot by Wichita police.

Police shot James Ware at least seven times during a fight at involving more than 100 people on Aug. 3, 2008, outside a south Wichita nighclub.

The jury on Monday took only 45 minutes to acquit Ware on a charge of making a criminal threat. 

Ware, a career Air Force man, testified that he was getting a gun out of his vehicle to protect people who were being threatened by gang members.

At the time, authorities said police shot Ware because he refused to put down the weapon and pointed it at the crowd.

A video from a bystander’s cell phone showed Ware was still getting the rifle out of his car’s trunk when he was shot.

Mr. Ware was unfortunate in that he was shot by the police “at least seven times”.  You would think that somebody would have made a definitive count.  He was fortunate in that there was a bystander with a cell phone recording the incident, and that his lawyer was able to bring that out at the trial.  We would never go so far as to suggest that trained law enforcement professionals would lie under oath, (it would would be a felony if they did, which is why it never happens)  but we  note that sometimes a police officer’s testimony doesn’t match the videotape.

Just sayin’.

Tuesday Night Wylie

Tuesday, February 9th, 2010

Elinor Wylie, September 7, 1885 – December 16, 1928

Bronze Trumpets and Sea Water–

On Turning Latin Into English

By Elinor Wylie

Alembics turn to stranger things
Strange things, but never while we live
Shall magic turn this bronze that sings
To singing water in a sieve.

The trumpeters of Caesar’s guard
Salute his rigorous bastions
With ordered bruit; the bronze is hard
Though there is silver in the bronze.

Our mutable tongue is like the sea,
Curled wave and shattering thunder-fit;
Dangle in strings of sand shall be
Who smooths the ripples out of it.

Freedom of Religion Update

Tuesday, February 9th, 2010

A judge in Pakistan demonstrates how Christians are treated in his country, where they have no First Amendment:

Christian sentenced to life in prison for blaspheming Islam

Sentenced to life in prison for blasphemy.

Sunday, February 07, 2010
by Spero News

A court in Faisalabad, Pakistan, sentenced to life imprisonment Imran Masih, a young Christian, for having insulted and desecrated the Koran, according to the Minorities Concern newsletter.

On July 1, 2009 Masih, a shopkeeper by profession, was brutally tortured by a group of Muslims, then arrested by police on charges – allegedly fabricated- that he had burned pages of the Koran.

On January 11, 2010 the judge sentenced him to prison for life, which he will serve in the federal prison in Faisalabad where he is currently confined.

The court also imposed an additional penalty of 10 years’ imprisonment and payment of 100 thousand rupees (just over 800 euros), under provisions of the law prohibiting blasphemy against Islam.

Heaven’s Family provides the additional details that the mob that accused Mr. Masih of desecrating a copy of the Koran also ran his father and the rest of his family out of town after looting their grocery store.  As is customary in such cases, the younger Mr. Masih was taken into custody and tortured again by the police.

However, not everyone in Pakistan agrees with the verdict.  The Dawn offers this observation:

Might one beseech Their Lordships of the Supreme Court to take suo motu notice of the seeming injustice done to Imran Masih of Hajvairy, Faisalabad, who was most recently sentenced to life in prison on the charge of blasphemy; a charge that seems so far-fetched that it stretches one’s credulity to extreme limits. For, My Lords, it would seem highly unlikely that a Christian who ran a shop in a bazaar, surrounded by good Muslim shopkeepers, would suddenly get it into his head to burn pages of the Holy Quran, and blaspheme our Prophet (PBUH) in plain sight and the hearing of his reported rival Haji Abdul Ghafoor, the complainant. Unless he was mad of course, for which the proper thing would be to commit him to a psychological examination and thence to the madhouse.

Might one add that Their Lordships must move with alacrity and before poor Imran Masih is harmed physically, indeed killed outright, by a vigilante fellow prisoner who considers himself to be another good Muslim. It has happened before as we well know, not only to members of our minority communities, but even to Muslims in other, mostly rigged, cases of ‘blasphemy’. We are a quite unique people as we well know too, who prey on the weak and the vulnerable, and all in the name of God. (Our emphasis)

(Note for non-lawyers:  ”Suo motu” is a Latin legal term that means the same thing as our expression, “sua sponte“, which is used to indicate a court taking action on its own.)

We think that mob violence should almost never produce probable cause for an arrest, especially in this country.  In fact, the last recorded lynching in the United States was in 1981  (Details live here, but that incident looks to us more like a random homicide than the work of a traditional lynch mob).

The point is, around here,  the Koran is a book and Islam is no more or less protected than United Methodism or those guys you used to see at the airport before 9/11.  We’ve never been particularly impressed with the way Islamic judicial systems safeguard their citizens’ freedom of religion (mostly because they don’t have any), and we’d have to disagree with The Dawn about whether judicial independence is really an issue in this case.  Our guess is that the learned judge was perfectly happy to let Mr. Masih rot in jail for the rest of his life, thereby enhancing his reputation with the faithful and keeping his courtroom from being looted by the same frenzied citizens who brought the case.

THX to Weasel Zippers.

UPDATE:  We don’t know how responsive the Supreme Court of Pakistan is to appeals from the international/infidel community, but it wouldn’t hurt to write to them on behalf of Mr. Masih to ask for clemency.  The address of the Chief Justice is:

Mr. Justice Iftikhar Muhammad Chaudhry

Should review the case of Mr. Masih.

Supreme Court of Pakistan
Constitution Avenue, Islamabad

Although we’d have to say we’re not optimistic.  A list of some of the accomplishments of the Court’s Human Rights Cell lives here:

Quick provision of relief to the common man without any expense has generated a high degree of trust and confidence of the general public in the judiciary as a whole and the apex Court in particular. The Human Rights exercise has also played a pivotal role in eliminating social evils like Vani [the practice of resolving blood-feuds by forcing children of different tribes to marry], Karo Kari [ritual murder of women], dangerous kite-flying etc, which were rampant in the society to the detriment of the common man.

No, we don’t think that a country where they put kite flying on a par with forced marriage of children and homicide will be receptive to Western notions of religious freedom.  But it’s worth a try.

Another reason methamphetamine is a bad idea

Tuesday, February 9th, 2010

Photos from the files of the Multnomah County Sheriff’s Department:

And after 18 months:

More of same lives here.  Nos. 29 and 30 are pretty unsettling by our standards.

The National Institute on Drug Abuse has compiled some information about methamphetamine here.  Information specific to Kansas lives here, at the Koch Crime Institute website.

By a curious coincidence, Multnomah County includes the city of Portland, Oregon.  Long-time readers will recall that a police officer  in Portland encountered Mr. David Shaul while he was on fire outside a furniture store in their town and doused him with pepper spray, thinking she had a fire extinguisher.